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People pleasing attitude, doesn't work

 I was a people pleaser for around 4 decades, until I happened to realize and understand, my mistake.


Trying to please people - listen or agree to their choices, when you really want something else, or initiate conversation again, even when they showed egoistic ways, were common behavior patterns, for me. 


I couldn't be assertive for my own requirements, trying to be 'nice' but struggled within. This also made my expectations from others, very high. However, other people would make their choices, as they wanted and also happened to take me for-granted many a times, as I had agreed to them, in the past. 


I would go on and on, trying to put others interests first but then there were days, when my emotions would outburst and result in a fight. Even after such a fight, it would be me seeking forgiveness, with them and this cycle repeated many times, within my close circle of family & friends.


This kind of submissive way of relating with others doesn't work good for either - not the one sacrificing and nor the ones who are getting their way, or being treated as superior. I had learnt this behavior for gaining acceptance but that's more like showing neediness and getting charity from others, I now realize. 


Such people pleasing is however not natural or normal for a healthy relationship. It is based on false beliefs, as learnt from society, due to a few failures, may be and thus, cannot go on for long term. 

The truth is that all family / community members deserve normal acceptance, in a social living  environment. No one needs to become people pleasing for this.


I have consciously made a choice to come out of it and still working on. Though, few people didn't expect or couldn't appreciate this change, which is understandable - however, for me, personal & emotional struggles are much less, ever since, this learning. 


Do you relate to this, with any relation in your life, in any way?  


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